just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
