My first STD was from a foam party
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
