flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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