READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
