i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
