Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
