OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
