I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We are two peas in an std pod
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He better not be in your backpack
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
