I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
