Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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