shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
