Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
