happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
