i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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