it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
