I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
