he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
