Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
