i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
