You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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