There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
