A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
