I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
