i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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