you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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