Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
