I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She is in my trunk
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
