The maid of honor just puked.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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