I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
