i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
