Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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