I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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