Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
