2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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