she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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