I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
