the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
