That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
