so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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