No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
