I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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