Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
