white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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