when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
