Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
