end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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