I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
