If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
