Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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