I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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