he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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